Oh no...

I've been trying to ignore some discomfort I've been experiencing in one of my teeth. It's a molar that has a filling that's been replaced once. They had to shave down the edges of my teeth to avoid them chipping as well. I think it needs to be replaced :/ I think I also have a cavity on one of my lower molars. It's a spot that my dentist has been keeping an eye on for a while and I feel like it's time to clean it out and fill it in. It's not that uncomfortable, but the one up top is kind of painful and definitely hurts with any temperature variation. I already use Sensodyne but it isn't helping that one spot at all.

My next scheduled cleaning and examination is in September but I may have to call and try to get something sooner. I've tried that before but they weren't able to accommodate me :( I'm worried about needing work done while I have braces. What if I need a root canal? Is that really complicated to do if I have braces? Man...why now!?

More Waiting!

I shouldn't be surprised. I've read through a dozen or more orthognathic surgery/braces related blogs so I should know I'll be waiting every now and then during this whole process.

I e-mailed the oral surgeon's clinic yesterday to ask about my referral and consult. They gave me a standard reply of "once we get your referral, we'll call you for an appointment". That wasn't really the answer I was looking for but it sure sounded like they hadn't received any of my referral info from Dr. Kirk. So I called my ortho clinic and left a message asking about the referral. They called me back a short while later to say they'd send my referral package again.

Today I got a call from the surgeon's office! YAY! However...the next date they have available is July13th. That's over a month away!! *sobsnortuglycry* On the bright side, the receptionist said Dr Johnson is very thorough during his consultations so I should plan to be there for about an hour.

Another thing I'm waiting for - well, despite my positive pregnancy test, I know my period is "due" two days from now. For the next week or so I'm going to be watching every sign my body gives me regarding the viability of this pregnancy Spotting? Could be my period or implantation bleeding! Emotional? Could be a surge of any kind of hormones! Fatigued? Could be that I'm building an embryo or that my iron is about to dip again! Bloated? Who the F knows why that could be?!

It won't even end there, to be perfectly blunt. I know that being 4w5d, my risk of miscarriage is somewhere around 25%. Even next week once I miss my period (fingers kept tightly crossed!!) that only lowers to about 10%. I miscarried in January at 11w5d (spotting began at 10w3d, but I thought every thing was fine so I just say I carried to 11w5d) and some statistics say a healthy woman my age would have had a 2% chance of that happening in that stage. Man, I am so much more worried about this than when I found out I was pregnant with Caitlin. I am happy I have some good news, but it's only "sort of" good news. I can't celebrate it yet, and there is pretty much nothing I can do at this point except eat well, drink lots of water, and get my rest. There's nothing else I have control over and that's pretty frightening.

It Begins!

Nausea and Nervousness

I have a hard time distinguishing pregnancy related nausea with the normal anxiety kind. Whenever I think about having to make appointments for orthodontic work or wondering why I haven't heard from the oral surgeon, I get nauseous. You know that funny belly feeling you get when you know the first day of school is around the corner? Or you have a big test you need to study for? It's that kind of funny barfy feeling. Only now I'm getting it randomly through my day so it's likely related to the poppy sized gestational sac. From Parents.com: The cells that make up this sac will begin to specialize. Some cells will become part of the placenta. Some will form the amniotic sac that will fill with fluid to cushion your developing baby. Other cells are destined to form everything from delicate eyelashes to muscles and skin. But that's still a long way away.

I also get nausea when I get any kind of emotional surge. Caitlin prayed for "the baby" the other night even though she doesn't know I'm pregnant. It was so sweet I wanted to vomit.

Taking Initiative

I e-mailed Dr. Johnson's clinic today to ask when I might get a call about my consultation. I told them I'm anxious (see above!) to start treatment. I'm sure they hear it all the time, but it would be great to get an idea of when I should be hearing from them.

Tonight Dustin and I are heading out for dinner to a spot we used to frequent when we were dating. His mom is going to pick Caitlin up from daycare and have her over for dinner at their place. We'll still need to pick her up for bedtime (boo!!) but it'll be nice to have some time together just the two of us. Wait a sec - that's scary! What are we going to talk about?!? In all seriousness, it'll be nice ;)

Trying to Focus

Baby making and thinking about all this stuff with braces and jaw surgery can be distracting. I have my own sort of schedule at work so I often "zone out" if I'm not super busy with work. That zone out period has been happening more frequently in the last few weeks. I stalk r/tryingforababy on Reddit constantly. I look at r/TFABLinePorn every day and upvote every single entry. Doesn't help that I added my own entry there the other day ;) It's a very cautious positive for now because I haven't technically missed my period. I told Dustin and my BF Laura, but I'll keep mum for a while longer with this pregnancy.

Anyway, I have been about twice as tired as normal in the past week. I'm stressed. Dustin and I are working on some things, communication mainly. We're trying to make more time for one another in the evenings especially - it's literally the only time of day (about one hour) that we have time alone. 

Back to the work thing though. I don't know if I'm bored or just frustrated. I have very little motivation lately to do anything more than what's immediately asked of me. If I'm not given a deadline for the things I work on I tend to put them aside until I'm asked for the work to be completed right away. Maybe I need to implement a work schedule for myself and literally log in all the things that I need to do and set my own deadlines. And then have my manager approve the deadlines just so that I am accountable to someone else. 

Still haven't heard from the oral surgeon yet. I'm going to give the clinic a call today to ask how long I might expect to wait for an appointment. I don't need a set date I guess, I'd just like a time frame.

The Waiting Game

Several online ovulation calculators have put my date of ovulation somewhere between May 24 and 30th. That's a big window. On May 20th I began using Ovulation Predictor Kits (OPKs). They're like pregnancy tests, only they test for the hormone that triggers ovulation. From MyFertilityFriend.com: OPKs work by measuring the presence of Luteinizing Hormone (LH) in your urine. A surge of LH which is sent to your ovary causes your ovary to produce enzymes which in turn causes the dominant follicle to rupture and release the egg into the Fallopian tube. This is ovulation and it is expected to occur within 24 hours of the surge of LH. An OPK is thus expected to be positive the day before you ovulate.

So I had a negative reading the morning of May 25th, and by 5pm I had a positive reading. It felt right, too. I had signs of the right kind of cervical mucous. I also know that sperm can survive in my reproductive tract for up to five days. Finally I seemed to have tracked my ovulation properly! No guessing! 

The downside is you're supposed to have sex several times in the 5 days preceding this "ovulation window", as well as the day OF ovulation. That can be hard to do when you haven't ovulated yet, so you don't know when you'll ovulate, which is why you need to track everything on a calendar (or fancy online tools - there are a few really good ones). Again with the pressure, right? Talking about schedules like this takes all the fun and spontaneity out of being intimate, so I've avoided telling Dustin when I'm ovulating, except for last week. Talking about ovulation isn't sexy though. Who knew?

Now I have to wait. Implantation, if it's going to happen, will be 7-10 days after ovulation so it would fall between today and Saturday. My period is due June 11th, and if by the 12th I haven't seen any signs of it I'll take a pregnancy test. 

By the way, this brings me to another completely frustrating part of this whole thing. Why do the signs of pregnancy have to be so similar to the signs of getting your period? Cramping? Sore breasts? Bloated belly? Fatigue? Granted, the two times I've been pregnant I remember clearly that those signs were very pronounced compared to a normal period. The thing is, when you're hoping to be pregnant your mind can search for clues and you read into those signs way more than normal. Every twinge or headache might mean you're pregnant! And you get your hopes up! Then Aunt Flow comes to visit and you just want to hide in bed for three days. It's really hard. It's emotionally exhausting.

I need to add something to this post. It can be hard to make time for your spouse when you have a child, two dogs and other responsibilities. We have to work on that if growing our family is in our long term plans. But he's been out with friends a lot in the last while so evenings are pretty quiet at my house. Sometimes I feel like a lot of my mental energy is spent on this, while he's just along for the ride. Maybe it's time I make sure we're on the same page.